If someone told you that all you needed to have a happy and successful married life was to find the right person, they could not have been more wrong. Marriage is hard work. And if you are not careful, you can end up making these common mistakes that can sabotage an otherwise solid marriage.
1. Not discussing money
As much as we would like to pretend otherwise, money matters play an important role in marriage. If you don’t discuss and reach an agreement with your spouse on how you will earn, spend, and save money early on in your marriage, it can cause numerous problems to crop up, especially if you both have different approaches to finances. If one spouse is a saver and the other is a spender by nature, these problems can be huge enough to cause permanent damage to your relationship.
2. Constant negativity
Experts say that constant negativity can harm your relationship more than cheating. If you are forever complaining, condemning or criticizing someone or something, your behavior will gradually take a toll on your spouse and on your relationship. No, we are not saying that you should hide your feelings – that can give rise to a whole lot of other problems. But if majority of your interactions with your spouse include negative gestures like eye rolling, sarcasm, or mocking, know that it is going to eat away at your marriage little by little. So watch yourself of signs of negativity and make a conscious effort to get rid of them. When you do find yourself genuinely upset by something your spouse has done, talk about it in a calm and non-accusing manner.
3. Taking your spouse for granted
Once the initial rush and excitement of marriage dies down, it is easy for couples to settle into routine life and get too comfortable with each other. You stop putting an effort into how you look, you stop saying your ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’, and soon there will come a time when you even stop talking to each other beyond the usual scheduling and planning. But here’s the thing. Marriage is constant work – you have to invest in your relationship every day if you want it to thrive.
4. Allowing outside interference
A marriage should be between only two people. Allowing friends or extended family members to interfere in your relationship is a sure shot recipe for disaster. The problem is more pronounced when one of the spouses comes from a family where relationship limits are not so well defined.
If you want to avoid this common mistake from happening to you, make sure you discuss with your spouse beforehand what roles you want your families to play in your lives. If your wife would prefer that your parents call before they visit, make sure you convey the information to them in a polite and tactful manner. Always remember that you and your spouse are a team now. Take a united front and support each other’s decisions.
5. Keeping unrealistic expectations
If you got married thinking you would be able to change your partner and mold him or her according to your likes and dislikes, you are in for a huge disappointment. The secret to a long, happy and successful marriage is to accept your partner for who they are, all faults and quirks included.
Similarly, if you thought that marriage would always be a bed of roses, then your first instinct at the sign of trouble would be to look for a way out. Know that all marriages have their ups and downs. If a couple can push through the difficult times and accept that no relationship was always meant to be smooth sailing, they have a greater chance at making a successful marriage.